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Last Tuesday, the infamous Mister Bundy, a feline serial killer, was released from feline custody under the pretense of "he promised not to do it again."
An interview with Blorange County Chief Dee-Dee "Dorkle" Dinky Doodleface was, as per usual, inconclusive, with incoherent gibberish being stated such as "The cat is threatening me" and "Help me. The cat is evil. Don't let him back on the streets." Doodleface disappeared later that day, possibly in shame of his horrendous interview performance. Mister Bundy, the lovable feline who has definitely not been threatening my editor, was not available to make a statement about the matter.
While not much is known about Mister Bundy's current state of incarceration, one can assume he "[meant well]" (Doodleface) and is probably not going to lure seven people into high-speed traffic again. This is Ricky the Reporter, signing off to go play with the kitty cat in the street.
Oliman, an aspiring rapper, has written a song regarding the antics of our beloved Mister Bundy.
Once upon a time not long ago
There was a shifty little feline who walked real slow
With thoughts so bad and a mind so evil
He killed a couple kids, he was so decietful
It all started one day, a guy was chilling
He looked into the street and he saw a kitten
He thought, "The poor cat! I got to save him!"
But as it turns out, the guy was mistaken
BOOM! The cat got another murder charge
He wasn't caught yet, he was still at large
A cop tried to pin the cat, but he got away
Scot free cause the cop said he was a cutie
Losin our lives to this Felus catus
Cause he was hyperfocused on wanting to attack us
He's mad cause he was underfed as a kitten
Mister Bundy made killing his number one mission